On the Dreaded "Conversion Therapy"

Setting the Record "Straight"

Nota bene: The intention of this article is not to diminish or minimize one’s experience of homosexuality. Everyone’s experience is unique, this article is not meant to reduce those experiences to “this” or “that”. A person’s story deserves a certain kind of reverence. To assume that “x” is caused by “x” is irreverent to a person’s story. While it is helpful to both trace and name a possible origin for unwanted behaviors and thoughts, one should always bear in mind that there are no two testimonies that are the same. This article is meant to provide clarity on conversion therapy and offer alternatives and resources that can foster deeper integration and healing.

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The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that the “psychological genesis [of homosexuality] remains largely unexplained” (CCC, #2357). When I read this a few years ago, I assumed the Church was arguing from a place of ignorance, that the origins of homosexuality are unexplained for now but will eventually come to light.

I now understand, however, that in her wisdom the Church’s statement reveals an acknowledgment that the development of homosexuality is a result of many factors, not a single origin. In no way is homosexuality a question of ontology—though many still hold the view that some are “born gay” even amidst the copious amount of scientific evidence that refutes that argument. (Click here for an article by Katy Faust that summarizes this evidence both clearly and succinctly.)

Conversion therapy, i.e., sexual orientation change efforts, gets a bad rap because it targets sexual orientation change as the clinical goal. This approach has caused more harm than good and countless adults and adolescents have suffered the effects of this form of therapy. This has ultimately led to conversion’s therapy’s ban in multiple states and the APA’s general condemnation of it. (Click here for an article that summarizes the history of conversion therapy and the cultural underpinnings that influenced to its condemnation.)

That being said, there are alternative approaches to this kind of conversion therapy whose main goal is not to change one’s sexual orientation but rather provide a deeper sense of integration and belonging. When the deeper relational traumas and false narratives are brought to light and healed, clients often experience a lasting restoration and freedom. For some, this new freedom even lessens their same sex desires.

One of these alternative approaches can be found in Dr. Joseph Nicolosi’s work. Nicolosi was a psychiatrist who worked with over 1000 homosexual men over the course of his 30 years of clinical experience. Nicolosi found that homosexuals often share a common pattern in their early and middle development: shame and attachment loss.

Nicolosi does not focus on changing sexual orientation but rather on the client’s developmental history. The goal of Nicolosi’s therapy is to rebuild what was broken by the client’s historical relational traumas and dynamics. Nicolosi found that a byproduct of treating these primary deficits can result in a sexual orientation change, even though that change is not the focus of the therapy.

Same-sex attraction is typically something that develops over time, not something that springs up suddenly in adolescence in the wake of sexual desires. Because the roots of homosexuality can run deeper than the surface level attractions one experiences, the clinical direction should not be to change one’s sexual orientation but rather address the roots underneath.

Nicolosi’s practice is now known as the Reintegrative Therapy Association. Below is a helpful comparison they published that shows the difference between conversion therapy and their treatment modality.

While early attachment loss is not the only root of homosexuality, it is a significant contributor because of the fundamental relational archetype it impresses upon the developing child’s brain. For example, a child’s view of the world, his ability to see himself as a free individual, and his identification with his biological sex is greatly influenced by the relationship that he has with his mother and father. Addressing this relationship and repairing what was ruptured is deeply healing. The results of which give a certain vitality back to the client, an assertiveness in their personhood, and a new mode of relating to both men and women.

For anyone who would like to learn more, I strongly encourage you to read Nicolosi’s book “Shame and Attachment Loss: the Practical Work of Reparative Therapy.” I believe that his findings are anointed—I have personally related to almost every observation he has made about homosexual men (and homosexuality in general).

If you don’t have time to read the book, there’s a great interview on The Becket Cook Show with Nicolosi’s son, Joseph Nicolosi Jr. In the interview, they break down the main contents of the book in a truly digestible way. PSA: the title is very clickbait-y, don’t let that deter you from listening.

Nicolosi Jr. took over his father’s practice after his death. If you are clinician seeking training in this area, you can check out The Reintegrative Therapy Association where you can receive training in their modality that serves clients with unwanted SSA.

There is still much research to be done in this area but it has given me so much hope to know that there are current resources readily available. Whether you are personally struggling with homosexuality, walking with someone who identifies with homosexuality, or simply wanting to learn more about it, the resources mentioned above offer a great starting point.

And when Jesus was baptized, he went up immediately from the water, and behold, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and alighting on him; and lo, a voice from heaven, saying, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”

John 3: 16-17